Friday, August 21, 2009

I'm not fat!

Hello my friends! It is I Herb-B!

Mom says we are going to be having a talk about exercise. She wants me to lose a little weight, maybe she should lose a little weight? I don't think it was me slurping down on the Ben and Jerry's last night. I certainly have not heard any complaints from my lady friend Chelsea about how much I weigh, she says every pound of me is devastatingly sexy! If mom wants to talk about exercise she can talk to my paw!

My dumb brothers were very excited about this new "exercise" regimen mom even got us all muscle tees - RIDICULOUS!!

When mom takes me to the park I attract the attention of all the ladies, especially retrievers, Lab's, Golden's, Chesapeake's they love me! I can hear them whispering from behind the fence. They are saying "look at that Herb-B, he is such a stud". In fact I am so handsome that I have been known to bring a full grown Golden Retriever to the down position just to be closer to me. Mom claims that, that particular dog was responding to a command from her mom of "gentle with the baby". Whatever!

Mom is clearly mistaking muscle for fat, I am a rippling ball of ferocious SEXY. Just look at my pictures - NEED I SAY MORE?

Last week we were at the park and I was barking at a dog outside the gate. Mom walked over and picked me up; this is a truly embarrassing habit that she has picked up by the way. Hasn't she read the Chihuahua training guides - do not hold me close to your face it will increase my need for dominance! Besides, you don't see moms at the big dog park picking up their greyhounds or their Chows; sometimes she picks me up and kisses me - so humiliating. Don't even get me started on the time mom washed me in the water-fountain at the dog beach, in front of about four boy Pit-bulls - RIDICULOUS! Anyway mom picked me up and a lady sitting on one of the benches started laughing and said "Oh he's a boy!". (A man actually, you silly woman, go chase a ball)! Of course I am a boy, had they come over and smelled me they would have known that. Her friend started laughing as well. Mom said "I know his collar has fur in it because his skin is sensitive, it makes him look like a girl". Again, I am going to be talking with mom about the collar! "No, no that's not it" the lady said and then she pointed at her friend, "She thought he was pregnant" and then they both laughed again.

WHAT? Pregnant! I immediately began flexing my two muscles (the ones in my back near my neck, they are amazing). I curled my lip and growled at these two fools! I am all man, ALL MAN! I told mom to put me down so I could go and lift my leg to pee on them, show them who is boy! Mom pretended that she wasn't afraid of me but I know that inside she was shaking like Rampage when I chase him.

When we got home from the park mom said that not only was I going to be sticking with my diet but that I was also going to be doing more exercise! NO WAY! Mom can exercise all she wants, but not Herb-B! I walk when I want to walk. I pee when I want to pee (or whenever mom opens the back door to let me out). I play when I want to play (although I will say that since mom keeps the toy box on a high shelf this makes this task more difficult). Mom says this is not up for discussion. We will see what is up for discussion when I vomit in her shoes tonight!

I am not fat! I am not going to exercise! Mom can stick it!

Have a wonderful day all of my friends!
Herb-B (aka Just More of Me To Love)

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